...I'm feeling a tad on the down-side tonight. I wish I was the girl you think I am; whatever it is that you think I am. I've always aspired to be satisfied with the here and now, to be 'up to snuff' on my own terms, and live my life to the fullest- the ultimately cliched purpose of life.
And I thought I had achieved flow with what I'm doing now; which I'll be doing for a living. I really thought I've found myself. In spite of that, I suck at it! I'm hopelessly insufficient in certain terms on this... this.. battlefield. And it's no fun being on the bottom tier of the lot! Well, the situation might not be as horrible as I try to make it seem, but from my standpoint, this... this.. is failure!!
I've disappointed myself in every possible way already. The feeling is so intense that I'm finding it tight in the chest when I heave a sigh. I lock myself up in my room and put an immensely sentimental playlist on repeat! I play it so loud on my headphones that I drown out the sound of my phone ringing, knocks on my door, the doorbell, the thunder, lightning and rain. I'm starting to experience horridly painful headaches that aspirin can't seem to soothe; migraine? god, I'm too young to get migraine!
Anyway, who cares how I feel. I know I've got to deal with this solo-style. I just need to break down a little, and this is as far as I can 'break down' so, read and forget what I've blurted out alright babes?
You know I love you, still :)
xx
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